Twisted Nursery Rhyme’s

Hello my Freaky Darlings,

My brother, yes the one you’ve all heard so much about, sent this to me a while ago. He’s also got a pretty twisted sense of humour. I also promised a few of you that I’d share these with you, so here you go!

 It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
Oh shit, it’s Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can’t keep his heart rate down
And she’s got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon
‘Pies you dummy!’

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it’s black and crispy.



2 thoughts on “Twisted Nursery Rhyme’s

  1. mary had a little lamb
    its fleece was black as coal
    it followed mary everywhere
    then f***ed her in her skull

    jack and jill went up the hill
    to fetch a pail ov water
    jack fell down and broke his crown
    and jill ran home soon after

    jacks body started to rot
    after a couple ov days went by
    it contaminated the water
    until everyone in town had died

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